Sunday, June 17, 2012
A letter to my Dad on Father's Day..
Natalie Sunday, June 17, 2012
Since today is Father's Day, I wanted to write a tribute to my Dad. My Dad was and still is my motivation to continue blogging and doing what I love.
It has been eight months since my Dad was suddenly called to Heaven, as his work here on Earth was done.
Coming to the realization that it's already been eight months really bewilders me, as I feel like time hasn't passed since that day. I can feel now more than ever that time really is just an illusion, and our time here on Earth is very short.
I don't verbalize my feelings very much. I know it's something I have to work on, but I always wanted my Dad to know the way I felt about him. There were a few times in my life I wrote letters to my Dad because it was always easier for me to write my thoughts down on paper, but I don't think he ever really knew what I really felt in my heart. I wanted to write a letter for him today on Father's Day, and I know it won't be my last..
To each and every family, I hope you all have a wonderful Father's Day. May your days be filled with the joy of family, happiness, love and cherished memories.
I don't really know how to start this letter, as I really never know how to start, and I have so much to tell you.
I first want you to know that I think about you every moment of every day. Where ever I go, thoughts of you carry with me. When I see things that remind me of you - clothes on the racks that I know you'd wear, a pastry in the bakery case I know you'd like, a restaurant or store we went to together - I remember the memories we shared with one another. In each and every memory, I picture you smiling and laughing, and it brings contentment to my heart.
I try not to think about my regrets - because I have far too many, and I know that you would never want me to dwell on what I didn't and should've done. I feel so foolish that I was embarrassed of myself and sometimes tried to avoid you because I never wanted to disappoint you. I wanted to make you proud, and achieve the goals you so highly believed I could achieve. You always believed in me, and any time you saw me be passionate about something, I loved seeing that smile on your face because you were proud of me. You always lend out your hand, and you always tried to help, no matter what it was, because you wanted me to be the best I can be. I am so thankful for that.
I couldn't wait to establish myself well, because I wanted to give you everything. I thought that when I had more money, I could get you everything you wanted, because you worked so hard your whole life to give me everything I wanted. I wanted to switch roles and give you a happy, carefree retirement that you deserved. Thinking about it now, I was wasting time thinking about the things I wanted to do for you, when I could have been creating more memories I'd be able to cherish now. Showing someone you love them isn't by the material things you give them. When you're gone, the gifts are left behind, but memories last forever. Love is shown by words, actions and the time spent with one another. I hold the memories you and me had together dear in my heart and they will never be forgotten.
I love you more than you ever knew and I don't think I was able to ever tell you that. There were times when you were in the other room and I wanted to spend time with you, but I didn't know what to say. I would have told you that I love you so much it hurts. After becoming closer with you these past couple of years, we became connected at the soul - and even though you're gone, I still feel close to you in spirit, as a part of you lives inside of me.
You were the best Dad I could ever ask for. I am so thankful to have had you in my life for as long as I did, and although it was way too short, I was lucky enough to have a Dad like you for 23 years. You went out of your way every single day of your life to make sure your family was well taken care of. Everything you did for us was done out of love, nurture and care. You lived for your family, and I know the sky was the limit when it came to any one of us. I know you still watch out for us, because caring for your family was your biggest priority in life and I know you wouldn't stop in death.
It's not the same without you here, and I know it will never be the same. My heart is still aching for you, and I know it's an ache that will never go away. I know the only time I'll be able to see your face, your smile and feel your touch now, is in my dreams. I remember each dream vividly as I hugged you, told you I loved you and thanked you for being with us in spirit, and you are always smiling. It brings me peace and comfort that you're doing okay.
I will continue living my life taking with me all of the things you've taught me, and trying my hardest to never give up, because I'm capable of doing anything I put my mind to. You will endlessly be my motivation to achieve my goals and make smart decisions.
I'm forever grateful to be your daughter, and I'll be forever longing for my father and the day our family will be reunited again.
Your Daughter Natalie
*I'd like to thank all of my readers as well, for the continued support I receive on a daily basis. I've received some really amazing letters over the past few years and kind words from many of you. I'm so thankful for my blogging friends, and that some of you are actually interested in hearing about my life - outside of the beauty blog. I can't thank you enough!!